Overboard! Read online

  The captain decided to say something even if it was in a vain attempt to stop Neep’s mouth moving up and down. “What – so you name. It is like, “Neep Neep?”” he finally said.

  From nowhere there came a loud sound as if something was speeding past them very, very quickly for a few seconds and then just as quick as it had begun it faded, leaving just the sound of the waves lapping against the side of the hull.

  “What was that?” said the captain nervously, looking first under the table and then in the shadows in the room before finally focusing his one good eye squarely on Neep. He looked under the table once again before facing the tall ginger consultant who was standing unperturbed in front of him.

  “That noise then. What was it?”

  “The rushing sound?”

  “Yeah.”

  “I wouldn’t worry about that, said Neep, a smile of acute embarrassment playing across his features. He didn’t know what the sound was either, only that it happened every time anyone said his full name out loud. The captain however, did seem to be worrying about it.

  “It’s just some interdimensional thing, I imagine.” Said Neep apologetically.

  The captain continued to stare at him in silence.

  “Probably skeletons involved somewhere and what have you.” Said Neep, grasping at straws.

  At this the captain visibly relaxed. “Ah.” he said, “Skeletons. Well, we’re pretty big on skeletons around here. Tell you what. You’re hired son.”

  Neep brightened visibly. Suddenly his underpaid rent and over enthusiastic potential bailiffs seemed to be a semi distant memory, with the emphasis most definitely being on distant.

  “Just don’t go telling everyone on the crew both of your names.” The captain added quickly and he tapped his hook against the side of his nose. Neep got the impression that behind his eye patch the captain may possibly be trying to wink.

  “A nervous pirate is a dangerous pirate. Capuche? “

  “Oh yes. Indeed. Thank you captain.” Then he paused.

  “Capuche?”

  The captain sighed. “It’s a kind of coffee I believe.” then seeing the blank expression on Neep’s face said, “Oh never mind.”

  There came a loud banging on the door and the captain called out for whomever it was to enter. A short fat man stood in the doorway, his face flushed with what looked like excitement. “Time for the walking of the plank, captain.” He squeaked, and having received a nod of acknowledgement left hastily, closing the door behind him.

  “Time for you to witness your first plank walk, Neep.” Said the captain, rising to his feet. “Good chance to introduce you to the crew as well.” With that the captain released the parrot from the cage and placed it on his left shoulder, confirming to Neep that it was indeed a part of the uniform. They left the cabin and headed up to the deck of the ship, where it appeared every pirate on board was waiting for them. A huge cheer went up as they set foot on deck, and Neep noticed a large man wearing a powdered white wig being dragged from down below in the general direction of a small gap in the hand rail on the side of the ship.

  The captain acknowledged the cheers and made his way across the deck with Neep in fast pursuit. Many of the pirates on deck openly stared at him as if wondering if he was going to be part of the entertainment too.

  “Cretch!” the captain shouted to a large bald man in the crowd. “Fetch a plank of wood!” and the pirate loped off to do so. The captain approached the prisoner and removed his blindfold.

  “It was on his head!” Screeched the parrot, but then fell silent at a frosty stare from the captain. “You are to provide our entertainment today, Mr Camberwell.” Said the captain, and the prisoner turned a definite shade of green but said nothing.

  A few awkward minutes passed before Cretch appeared carrying a long wooden plank, which several of his ship mates then lashed into place so that it jutted a good eight feet over the ocean. Camberwell was led to the edge, and with the aid of one of the captains many swords was prodded to the edge and then on to the plank where he stood teetering.

  “Any final words?” Sneered the captain, keeping the sword outstretched before him. Neep edged nearer, and out of the corner of his eye saw several large rats run across the deck and leap into the sea.

  “Erm is that quite normal...” he stammered, but all eyes were on Camberwell on the end of the plank who seemed to be considering all of his options, and finding that unfortunately most of them contained an awful lot of water.

  “In the name of God!” Camberwell pleaded at last. “Let me go!” Neep felt terribly sorry for the man even though he did not know what it was that he was meant to have done, but he was distracted once again by an even larger group of rats throwing themselves into the sea. He wasn’t sure if he imagined it or not, but he thought that he may have felt the deck move a fraction below his feet.

  “Captain...” he began, but the pirate was otherwise engaged and ignored Neep completely.

  “Not a chance!” roared the captain, laughing heartily. The rest of the crew took up the cheer and soon the ship was in bedlam. Still Camberwell tottered on the end of the plank.

  “Come on, man!” shouted the captain to more cheers to Camberwell who was swaying slightly at the end of the plank. “Get on with it! It will be time for dinner before...” but he stopped suddenly as he too noticed an even larger number of rats running across the deck and launching themselves into the water. “What the...” he began as the ship violently lurched forty-five degrees towards the water, which had the unfortunate effect of throwing Camberwell into the sea along with at least half of the crew. Luckily, though it was probably of very little consolation, they did not now have as far to fall as the ship began to flounder. Neep grabbed hold of the captain who was attempting to get to his feet as if he was looking for someone. They both began to slide across the deck towards the sea as the ship lurched violently towards the sea a little more. The deck was by now resembled a large wooden wall that rose into the air high above them.

  “Cretch!” screamed the captain to the sheepish looking pirate who seemed to Neep to be trying to climb the by now almost horizontal mast. “Where did you get the plank from?” Cretch looked guilty at the captain, a mounting panic rising on his scarred features.

  “From below decks captain.” he said, and noticing the captain’s blank expression unwisely continued. “From the wall. Just below where you can hear the sea sloshing. Got all soaked I did when I fetched it.” Failing to notice the captain’s rising colour he pressed on. “In fact it was looking decidedly soggy down there when I left. Got out pretty quick, no fear!” To the captain’s amazement he even gave a little nervous salute.

  The captain’s jaw dropped open and he began to reply, stepping towards Cretch in a menacing manner but it was too late. Neep never heard his answer for he lost his grip, and with a scream he slid across the deck, bumped off several bits of rapidly moving wood and fell into the sea.

  All went black.

  Sometime later Neep came to. The sea was completely clear of everything but small pieces of floating debris, and was totally ship free. He had no recollection of grabbing it but he was clinging to the remnants of what looked to have once been a large barrel. He began to paddle and slowly began to move towards the white buildings of Hard Knocks on the shore in the distance. It would take some time to get there, but he reckoned that he could do it. He paddled as fast as he could and made slow but steady progress.

  After an hour there was a loud fluttering sound and the bedraggled shape of Nutcracker the parrot settled down onto the piece of barrel he was attempting to paddle to shore. The bird looked completely tired out, and if possible, even more mangy than before. It sat on the broken pieces of wood eyeing him suspiciously. For a while it sat there as if gaining its breath, whilst at the same time taking note of the slowly approaching shoreline. Eventually it turned to face Neep and clacked its beak just once as if tutting.

  “Okay.” It said in a defeated voice. “I give in.
What have you done with the ship then?”

  Chapter 1

  ~The Scarlet Daisy ~

  The crew of the Blue Nun first spotted the small dot on the horizon as dusk was falling. They thought nothing of it at the time but as dawn slowly broke the next day they could not help but notice that the dot was much nearer now, and seemed to be heading directly towards them.

  Mr Dooley, the first mate, raised his eyeglass to the slowly growing dot and grumbled to himself. The crew tried not to look too alarmed at the rapidly approaching ship, but could not discount the frown on the first mate’s face either. The morning grew long as the ship rapidly began to gain on them. The crew were of the opinion that this was no more than a coincidence, after all this was a short trip; carrying silk and other bolts of cloth from the town of Hard Knocks to the south, then to the isle of Caprica off to the north. What could go wrong, after all? The first mate resolutely refused to alert the captain to the presence of the other ship, considering everything to be under control, and so the captain remained below decks otherwise employed cheerfully unaware that there was even the slightest hint of curiosity running amongst the crew.

  As afternoon began the first mate raised his eyeglass once more to the now barely visible ship veering down upon them, and steadied his arm upon the railing of the deck to get a better view. Several members of the crew working around him heard him suddenly gasp loudly and drop the eyeglass to the deck. He then scrambled about trying to pick it up with shaking hands, which he eventually did, thrusting the device solemnly against his eye once again. He quickly lowered it once again, and grabbed the first member of the crew he could get his hands on.

  “Get Captain Nolan on deck now, lad!” he yelled at the shocked sailor, grasping him by his shoulders before yelling, “NOW!” The crewmember made a run for it and disappeared below decks. There was a gap of a few minutes, during which the first mate paced backwards and forwards, occasionally raising the eyeglass to the rapidly approaching ship before pacing the deck once again. Most of the crew were making themselves busy about the deck, though perhaps not very convincingly. Eventually the sounds of a disturbance could be heard and Captain Nolan appeared on deck, clutching what appeared to be a large colourful butterfly and a very long pin.

  “What is the meaning of this?” he spluttered at the first mate who merely passed the eye glass to him and nodded off to the now rapidly approaching ship. The captain passed his butterfly and pin to the first mate and taking the eyeglass peered through it for what seemed like a minute or so, but was probably mere seconds. By now the entire crew had given up any semblance of even pretending to work, and were now watching the captain intently. He lowered the eyeglass once more and then quickly raised it back out to sea as if to confirm his original sighting. Slowly he lowered the device and stared at the first mate, before whispering, “The Magpie. That’s the Scarlet Daisy’s ship.” The first mate nodded once.

  The captain’s secretive tone was sufficiently loud for most of the crew to hear, and the words, “Scarlet Daisy” could be heard running rapidly ran around the deck, the sound of fear and dread effortlessly creeping into the whisper as it travelled around the ship. From the stern there came a sudden loud shout followed by a dull splash in the water as one of the members of the crew decided to make his own way from thereon.

  “Hard to port and get ready to run with the wind!” yelled the captain, handing the eyeglass back to the first mate who struggled to get a grip on it with the butterfly and pin already in his hands. The captain cast a glance to the sails, and was hardly surprised to see that they were already all raised. He glanced once more to the ship now clearly visible off the port rail, its large black sails bearing ominously the ensign of a large even blacker Magpie upon it. The ship itself was short, and low in the water, but the stern was raised, the small hatches indicating cannons concealed behind them. As Nolan and the first mate stood staring, the rows of hatches began to slowly slide open casually, as if they had all of the time in the world to do so. The bow of the Magpie was long and sleek, seeming to almost skim across the surface of the water.

  The wooden hull here seemed almost made of one tree, branches intertwining as the waves crashed across them. The figurehead however, was much larger, showing the form of a wooden skeleton, cutlass outstretched, seeming almost to pull the ship even faster through the water. Nolan gulped and then ducked as the first brace of cannon fire exploded from the ship. There was a momentary pause as the crew almost collectively tried to find something to hide behind, and then a sudden explosion as the main mast of the Blue Nun was hit, crashing down onto the deck, the fore and aft masts quickly following it. There were screams and curses as the deck was littered with broken wood and canvas. The Blue Nun was now floundering.

  Nolan strode to the rail and watched as the Magpie drew alongside, grappling hooks now securing the ships together. Captain Nolan stood on the deck as if a man stunned, most of his crew now gathering around him and the wreckage of the toppled mast that lay all around them. The crew of the other ship were now busy securing the ropes holding the two ships together, and after a minute’s wait several large pirates leaped across the small gap and landed on the deck of the Blue Nun before Captain Nolan.

  They stood grinning at the crew of the captured ship as if they knew something that nobody else knew, theirs grins widening somewhat as a small figure leaped across the gap and was quickly joined by another figure who was concealed completely by a long black hooded cloak that seemed to cover him from head to toe.

  The small figure moved forward to face the captain, and a low murmur seemed to pass amongst the now cowering crew of the Blue Nun. Collectively they all moved back a step. “Scarlet Daisy.” Said Captain Nolan, doing his very best not to appear either intimidated or even in any way concerned that his ship seemed to be all but completely disabled.

  “Captain Nolan.” Said Daisy, and gave a slight bow to him before moving towards him. To the uneducated or merely misinformed bystander, herself seemed a somewhat unimposing figure. She was little more than five-foot-high, her long black hair resting in a seductive manner across her shoulders. She was dressed from head to foot in black, a long slim sword hanging languidly at her side. The front of her blouse was cut low, revealing perhaps a little more of her than was appropriate.

  Nolan gulped to himself as she strode towards him slowly, reminding him a little of a cat playing with a slightly disappointing mouse. He certainly wasn’t going to mention the low cut blouse, he thought to himself.

  “Sorry about the sails.” She sighed as she stopped directly in front of him, perhaps a little bit closer than was comfortable, deliberately invading his personal space. “I’m afraid that my bombardiers are perhaps a little...” she paused for a moment, looking around the deck at the wreckage of the Blue Nuns sails. “Enthusiastic, shall we say? I am sure that not a single one of them would ever consider themselves to be eligible to join one of the “Sons of The Pinched Fuse.” She finished, smiling and Nolan was once again reminded of a cat playing with a mouse. “Still. Never mind.” She said. “At least nobody seems to be injured.” She paused slightly, before adding, “Yet.” And a wide smile played across her face.

  “I’ll be reporting this to the council of Hard Knocks!” spluttered Nolan, and Scarlet Daisy raised a perfectly coiffured eyebrow as he continued. “We are carrying cloth to Caprica. You’ll find no gold or valuables on this ship!” Scarlet Daisy smiled as several of her crew that were now placed around her grunted and smiled at this. The black clad robed figure did not move at all, standing on the deck as still as a statue. Nolan however could not help but feel the figures eyes upon him.

  “You are correct to suggest I would not be interested in cloth and fancies.” Laughed Scarlet Daisy and the members of her crew smiled at this too. “I have come for the map, Nolan. Just that.”

  “Map?” enquired the captain, his face attempting (and failing badly) to conceal the fact that he did not have the slightest clue what Scarlet Daisy was
talking about. “I know nothing about any map.” Scarlet Daisy sighed deeply, and shook her head, her long dark hair shining in the sun.

  “Captain Nolan.” She said almost apologetically. “You know exactly which map I am referring to. Please do not attempt to test my patience.” She paused slightly, raising her hand and seeming to study her perfectly polished nails. “Or I am afraid this could all end very badly.”

  Nolan tried his best stone faced expression, but Scarlet Daisy merely watched him; waiting. “I have no knowledge of any map.” He said, and tried desperately to out-stare her. Scarlet Daisy tutted slowly to herself.

  “Mr Bones.” She said, turning to face the black cloaked figure. “Perhaps we could encourage Captain Nolan here to think again.” She said, and the black clad figure bowed slightly. “Fetch me the Captain’s fine collection from below decks” She said finally.

  “Yess.” Growled the robed figure. His voice resembled the sound of rocks being ground together, and several members of the Blue Nun’s crew drew back slightly as the black robed figure pushed past them and descended below decks. From behind Captain Nolan, first mate Dooley pushed through the ring of pirates and raised a finger in complaint.

  “Now hold on here...” he began, wagging a finger at Scarlet Daisy. In the limited amount of recollection time that he had left available to him, Captain Nolan would reflect on the fact that Scarlet Daisy had not seemed to move at all. There was however a brief flash as something long, thin and presumably very sharp glinted in the sun, making him blink. Once that was done, Dooley seemed to have lost a finger, and Daisy was grinning almost apologetically to herself. Dooley screamed and turned a very pale colour.

  “You cut my finger off!” he yelled, but nevertheless had the sense to step back from the short woman who stood grinning before him.

  “Keep a handle on your crew, Nolan.” She sighed. Dooley started to hop from foot to foot, holding his damaged hand up to anyone who would dare to look.