Overboard! Page 9

  He could just see through the narrow slats of the door if he tilted his head to an angle, and his limited angle of vision noted that the ship seemed to be a hive of activity. Counting the swell of the waves and the movement of the ship he reckoned that they were moving at quite a pace, and from time to time he thought he may just have been able to hear Jenkins yelling orders from the quarterdeck that was above and behind him. Neep tried rattling the door and shouting for attention but he was completely ignored. Eventually the day wore on and he began to get thirsty and hungry. Convinced by now that his prison looked like being his place of residence long term he tried napping from time to time to alleviate his hunger, and the next time he woke it was dark again. Crawling to the door he banged his head against another bowl of slop that must have been placed in his prison while he slept. He was grateful also to find in the dark a bottle of what turned out to be water too. Slaking his thirst and forcing the food down he eventually nestled into a corner and slept beneath one of the flags.

  Next time he woke it was light again, sounds of voices rising from outside the door. He put his eye to the wooden slats and was forced to throw himself backwards as the door suddenly opened and a large swarthy looking man stood in the doorframe looking as shocked as Neep felt.

  “Thought you’d be asleep.” said the man, and Neep noticed a bowl and bottle in each of his large hands.

  “Just woke up.” said Neep wearily, stretching his legs. He took the bowl and bottle from the man and the pirate picked up the empty ones he had presumably left there the night before.

  “Want the bucket emptying?” he said, and Neep wondered briefly how he was going to carry it.

  “It’s fine.” said Neep. “Hardly used.” The pirate grinned and nodded conspiratorially.

  “Right.” he said, and turned to go. “Blurt.” he said, looking back over his shoulder as he went to close the door.

  “Bless you.” said Neep without thinking. The pirate grimaced.

  “That’s me name.” he said, waving the bottle at himself. Neep nodded at him.

  “Pleased to meet you Mister Blurt.”

  “No problem. No need for the mister bit though. That’s for them what gives orders round here and that’s definitely not me.” He paused for a second and then winked. Neep thought it strange to see someone have to concentrate to wink. Blurt wasn’t quite done though. “See you later with your supper.”

  “What is it I am having for supper and perhaps a little rum would be nice instead of water with it too?” he asked, thinking that it wouldn’t do any harm to try.

  “Gruel. Yo ho ho.” said Blurt.

  “Sorry?” asked Neep, raising an eyebrow.

  “Supper.” said Blurt. “Gruel probably.” he paused as if waiting to be excused. “Usually is.”

  “Why did you say, “Yo ho ho”?” he asked.

  “I didn’t.” said Blurt, taking hold of the door to close it.

  “Rum.” said Neep suddenly.

  “Yo ho ho.” said Blurt. Neep smiled.

  “Why is it that every time I say “rum” you say “yo ho ho” Mister blurt?

  “Yo ho ho dunno.” said Blurt, a look of irritation crossing his face as he slammed the door shut. Neep settled down into a corner and began to pick at the gruel. Neep managed to sleep most of the day away, and as dusk fell Blurt arrived with more gruel and water.

  “Am I to be kept her for the whole voyage?” asked Neep as Blurt placed the food and water in front of him before collecting the used crockery from the floor. Neep had pondered over the thought of rushing Blurt in an attempt to overpower him, but during the course of the day had come up quite a long list of reasons why he shouldn’t. At the top of the list was the pirate’s size, followed as a close second by the fact that there wasn’t really anywhere he could actually run to. The deciding factor of course that he was now presumably far out to sea on a pirate ship that was apparently in search of a lost island and treasure. Neep certainly didn’t want to be running away anywhere and so for now decided to stay put and keep a low profile. This was normally quite difficult for him with being well over six-foot-tall and with red hair, but being locked in a store cupboard did however help to lower his visibility considerably.

  “I am not allowed to say.” said Blurt, looking suddenly like a man who has an opinion on nothing and in fact knows nothing about anything at all. “Captain’s orders.” he said finally.

  “Well this is a rum do.” smiled Neep as he took up the bottle of water.”

  “Yo ho ho indeed.” said Blurt and slammed the door shut.

  “What about the bucket?” asked Neep but Blurt’s footsteps faded quickly away across the deck and so Neep settled down and eventually sleep took him.

  ***

  The next day Neep woke to find his food and water had been replenished and thankfully the bucket emptied while he slept. He peered through the slats of the door watching the crew perform their duties and continued to doze during the course of the morning. As lunch approached Neep was surprised to find the door being opened and a new pirate standing there watching him. The man in the doorway had an air of distraction about him as if he was currently concentrating on something else altogether. He failed to make eye contact with Neep at all.

  “Where’s Blurt?” asked Neep from his position of being curled up with his back to the wall of the cupboard.

  “He’s busy.” said the man vaguely. “I am Mister Lex.” he finished, catching Neep’s eye briefly before glancing away quickly.

  “Pleased to meet you, Mister Lex.” said Neep, holding his hand out for him to shake it. Mister Lex acted however as if he had not even noticed the hand, and he looked at Neep as if he had trodden in something that was threatening to ruin his boots.

  I beg your pardon?” he said, pulling a small book from under his arm and consulting it before closing it quickly.

  “Nothing.” said Neep dropping his hand in resignation. To his surprise Mister Lex held the door fully open and gestured for Neep to stand.

  “Come.” he said, moving back from the doorway to give Neep room to leave the storage locker. “Captain Jenkins wishes to see you.” Neep crawled from the locker and finding himself on the deck stretched himself to full height and shook the cramp out of his arms and legs. The sun overhead was strong, beating down on the ship as Neep blinked in the daylight. He staggered slightly as he got used to the rolling of the deck and then took in his surroundings.

  The prow of the ship bucked against the foam topped waves as it headed across the sea. Neep marvelled at the full set of sails that rose like a mountain of canvas overhead, the sound of the wind cracking and billowing in the cloth filling his ears. Pirates were visible at several of the spars above, ropes and rigging rising high above almost like a cathedral of rope and wood high overhead. Looking up into the bright blue sky Neep felt himself stagger slightly and quickly returned his gaze to the deck. Beside him Mister Lex coughed into his hand.

  “The captain awaits you, Mister Neep.” he said, ushering him towards the steps to the quarterdeck at the rear of the ship. Neep followed Mister Lex towards the bridge of the ship, looking at the huge muscle-bound bald man who was manning the helm. Several other pirates were busy about the quarterdeck, but to one side stood Captain Jenkins and another tall pirate he was conversing to. Seeing Neep being led towards him by Mister Lex the captain clapped the other pirate on his back and the man made his way past Neep as he approached, heading to the bow of the ship. Neep looked out from the vantage point of the quarterdeck, the ship laid out before him, pirates everywhere, some singing as they completed their duties. The prevailing sound however was made by both the billowing of the sails and the crashing of the sea on the hull. From here Neep could smell salt in the air Now freed of the confinement of the flag locker he felt dizzy with the sights, sounds and smells that surrounded him.

  “Ah Mister Neep.” said Jenkins, adjusting his candle riddled beard in the wind. “Enjoying the bathyorographical view?” he asked, sweeping his
arm about the vantage point of the quarterdeck.

  “Of, like or pertaining to elevation above sea level.” said Mister Lex, looking casually up at the masts above as if nothing had been said.

  “Sorry?” said Neep. Mister Lex looked flustered which gradually turned into a look of confusion.

  “Bathyorographical.” said Mister Lex eventually, a testy edge finding its way into his voice. “Of, like or pertaining to elevation above sea level.” he finished. Jenkins continued as if nothing had happened.

  “You must forgive me for your incarceration.” he said, smiling darkly. “Though I suspect the halatinous breeze will soon invigorate your senses.

  “Salty or briny.” said Mister Lex, continuing to look up at the sails as if some important message was written in large letters upon them. Neep looked up just in case there was but they looked exactly the same as they always did to him, and so he dragged his attention back to the deck once again.

  “Rum.” he said weakly for no reason that he could think of at all, and from somewhere far away again he heard “Yo ho ho.”

  “First things first.” said Jenkins, striding about the deck now. “Mayhap you may consider by the virtue of The Golden Octopus that you are a co-conspirator on this voyage Mister Neep.” he laughed. Mister Lex merely stood staring up at the sails as Jenkins continued. “Sadly their remit is not my own. They may have picked you for this voyage and no doubt their reach is long, but out here at sea this is my domain. Imprimis, and to spell it out for you in an imprimisical manner, you are in my regard surplus to this ships requirements.” Mister Lex took his attention off the masts for a second.

  “In the first place; in a manner of letter by letter.” he said before returning his attention to the mast. Neep looked at him puzzled.

  “Do you translate everything the captain says?” asked Neep in confusion. Mister Lex looked almost affronted as Jenkins stood patiently waiting. He looked as if he was a man who was used to pauses.

  “Not just that.” He sniffed. “Though it is one of my main duties. There has been ah… confusion in the past which has led to Erm… consequences of a non-vocabularic nature.”

  “I see.” said Neep, who didn't. Not at all.

  “Indeed.” said Mister Lex. “The captain feels my interpretation of his commands assists in the smooth running of the ship in many respects. Certainly there have been no ducks keel hauled since my commencement of translatorial duties.”

  “Ducks?” asked Neep as he noticed Jenkins continuing to eye him suspiciously.

  “Just so.” said Mister Lex. “Very nasty indeed.” he paused, looking up at the rigging again before returning his attention to the captain as if in anticipation. “Particularly for the duck.”

  “So Mister Neep.” continued Jenkins. “I find myself at a loss as to what to actually do with you. Your consultationative prowess is no doubt formidable, and yet I have no use for it. After all, those who can, do. Those who can’t consult.” He sniffed loudly and plucked something off his cuff before throwing it over the side. “And so I find myself at a loss. I have an acrasial view of consultative bodies you see.”

  “Ill-judged or tempered; treated with disdain.” said Mister Lex as Neep’s head spun from each of the two men. He thought maybe the wind was picking up. Certainly the sails seemed to be fuller than they were before.

  “Maybe you could assign me to a current member of the ship’s crew to learn the ropes… Erm… as it were.” said Neep. Jenkins smiled at this.

  “An excellent plan!” exclaimed Jenkins. “Would you consider it austerulous were I to partner you with Mitch I wonder?”

  “Somewhat or slightly harsh.” said Mister Lex. Neep was surprised to hear the man holding onto the ships wheel chuckle at the mention of Mitch’s name.

  “You there!” shouted Jenkins to a sailor tying ropes just below the quarterdeck. “Fetch me Mitch would you? Make it quick! Ensure I have no interest in cestuan activities!” Mister Lex looked puzzled and approaching the captain whispered in his ear. The captain nodded wildly and Lex returned to where he stood before.

  “Pertaining to or of a boxing glove.” said Lex, looking vaguely confused.

  “Ah.” said Neep nodding. Silence settled upon the three of them as they waited for the arrival of Mitch. Jenkins made himself busy pacing the deck, observing with a careful eye, shadowed by Mister Lex who was rarely more than a few steps behind him. Jenkins seemed completely unaware of Neep’s presence; as if he had dismissed him out of his mind for the duration, and so Neep was greatly surprised when Jenkins turned from the quarterdeck rail and pulled Neep by the arm to view the deck laid about before him.

  Neep was impressed by the sight laid out before him as the captain held onto his sleeve. The ship bucked and cut through the sea rapidly, the rigging and sails rising above his head majestically. Everywhere he looked men were scuttling up the sails or working on the deck. Neep was amazed that everyone seemed to know exactly what it was they were doing. There were several of the pirates shouting orders, but it seemed as if the men carrying them out already knew what they were meant to be doing anyway. Jenkins however seemed slightly agitated.

  “What do these men do all day Mister Neep?” he asked, eyeing the pirates moving about the ship suspiciously.

  “Well I imagine they run the ship, captain.” said Neep, preening himself at the thought of the captain actually consulting him on something. Neep harboured the thought that perhaps Jenkins was warming to him, though whether that was a good or a bad thing he wasn’t actually certain about. Jenkins seemed unsettled however.

  “Is that it?” he asked. “Even the blindest sailor would admire their celeripedean progress about the ship no doubt.”

  “Swift footed.” said Mister Lex before returning his gaze to elsewhere.

  “Yet I fear for their well-being. What do they read, for example? When do they go swimming?”

  “Oh they can’t read. Or write either I would have thought.” said Mister Lex with a brief smile. “Nor can they swim.” Jenkins looked outraged at this.

  “Cannot read nor write?” he exclaimed. “Cannot swim? What on Earth do they do all day?”

  “Well they work of course.” said Neep chipping in with a suggestion.

  “And drink grog and dream of gold I imagine.” finished Mister Lex. “Assuredly they dream of the day when they get their pay.” The captain continued to look agitated however.

  “Does their lack of reading, writing and swimming abilities not hamper their daily existence?” Jenkins almost shouting, his face colouring.

  “I would have thought it would not hamper them at all.” mused Mister Lex, before continuing under his breath, “Well not unless they receive an RSVP for a swimming gala of course.” Jenkins did not seem to have heard this and continued to stare at the men as a small round pirate appeared on the bridge and shuffled nervously up to the captain. Neep coughed nervously.

  “I have a mind to arrange swimming classes.” continued Jenkins, studiously ignoring the new arrival on the quarterdeck who to Neep’s eye seemed to be dressed in a small apron that strained to fit about his waist. The apron itself was stained darkly with several colours, most of which Neep had no desire to investigate any further. The captain towed Neep back to the centre of the quarterdeck to where the small man stood more or less quaking in his shoes.

  “The welfare of the men is of great consideration to a captain.” said Jenkins, clapping Neep on the back. “A busy crew is a happy crew. Lex, please inform the crew that the floggings will continue until morale improves.”

  He seemed to notice the man dressed in the apron for the first time and Neep could not help but notice that the man began to visibly tremble as the captain’s gaze rested upon him. It seemed the new arrival was attempting to work out the reason for his summoning.

  “Was it the fishcakes last night?” he squeaked and Jenkins stared off across the sea, as if trying to remember when he had last had a fishcake. He suddenly seemed to remember. “Fishcake?” h
e said quizzically. “So that is what it was. I thought it was Haggis.”

  “Oh no captain.” said the small man. “Never Haggis. Nearly a sausage, that is and you don’t want one of those wee beasties loose on the ship.” Jenkins looked confused as the man continued. “Vicious little sods they are, what with all those teeth and what have you.” Jenkins smiled vaguely

  “And talking of the crew’s welfare Mister Neep, here is our very own Mitch, who is the commander of our food and drink. His cibisotitistic galley is fundamental for the men’s well-being.”

  “Pantry or store of food.” said Mister Lex from behind Neep. Mitch continued to look terrified but seemed to ease somewhat once he was convinced that the fishcakes had been okay and there didn’t appear to be any sausages on board.

  “Mitch, we have a problem here with Mister Neep who apparently in his role of piratical consultant has been assigned to our fine ship by the Golden Octopus. Nevertheless, I am at a loss as to where to employ his skills and must be frank, find him to be surplus to our requirements.” Mitch nodded dumbly, waiting to hear what this had to do with him. “So you came to mind Mitch. I feel his participation in menial tasks in your galley would be of great benefit to his no doubt highly honed skills. In short we require you get him to coquinate.” Mitch raised an eyebrow as Mister Lex leaned across.

  “To behave as a cook.” he said, and Mitch looked relieved.

  “You want me to work in the galley?” squeaked Neep as the penny dropped. He was disappointed to hear a slight edge of peevishness in his voice.

  “I do.” said Jenkins smiling briefly. “Either that or I throw you over the side. Your choice.” The captain waved a hand and from nowhere two thick set men appeared as if from nowhere and grabbing Neep one per arm dangled him over the railing above the sea. “Your choice.” repeated the captain, and the smile stayed on his face just a little longer this time.